Good Monday morning! Hopefully everyone has chosen to wake up with a smile on their face and a positive attitude for the week at hand. If you need a little push in the right direction listen to, The Glory of It All by David Crowder Band. The lyrics are refreshing and totally encouraging. Basically, the God we serve is pretty great. Just saying.

So I have another good book for you to read. And for once it is not a self help book! Last week I needed some discount store therapy so the same day I bought the lamp at Goodwill I went to Half Price Book Store. Coincidentally enough they are literally right next to each other. Over the past year or two I haven't allowed myself to buy any type of book other than self help and yadda yadda. Well, this time I wanted ANYTHING but self help. Seriously, I get enough of that during the week the last thing I want to read in my spare time is a book on how to live life stress free. The Bible has been working just fine for me.

Remember how I said getting rid of picture frames was a big thing for me? Sorta like I was being rebellious in a totally non rebellious way and how I realized I'm allowed to get rid of them and they on't actually have feelings? Yeah well that's how it went down in Half Price. I went in knowing that I had to look at the books in the health and self help section because for some odd reason those are the books I think I have to read. Weird I know but bare with me. So I walk in and head towards the section that I know I need to go but don't want to. And do you know what? I just glanced, didn't actually walk down the row of daunting "your life is screwed up and here are the next 38 steps to get it together" books. Just a quick glance. Boom. It was liberating.

Well, short story long I picked a book that was tagged with an employee pick tag because at this point I was just excited I was allowing myself to read ANYTHING in the entire store (minus daunting books about life). And boy did God totally work through that employee pick.

Name of the book: The Book of Jane

Author (s): Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt

I read the back of the book, basically a story of an awesome young woman who has a great job, great boyfriend, cute, dog, lives in Manhattan and loves Jesus. Yeah, I wasn't even looking for a Christian book....Then her life starts falling apart at the seems. Is this sounding familiar to you at all? If not then that's okay because I wasn't seeing any similarities yet either.

Let me now read you what the first inside blank page said, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21. Now are we seeing a trend? The Book of Jane....The Book of Job. YES!! This is the modern day, girl version of The Book of Job! Ahh it's been SO good! Read it! You can borrow mine when I'm done. And the even better part is they have like two other books out there, which I will be getting, at Half Price, as I walk past the daunting life aisle with no hesitation (well, maybe a little).

Okay friends..if you got this far then I appreciate you. Have a great Monday, read about Jesus AND check out The Book of Jane!

I went through and updated all my frames yesterday. I also realized that unless I want to end up a hoarder I'm going to have to learn to get rid of things. It was sort of a freeing experience when I decided I didn't have to keep the frames I didn't have a place for and it was okay to get rid of them. Weird? Well, maybe a little but it still felt good :)

So I am getting rid of a handful of frames as well as some wall shelves. I figured I would offer them for free on here to anyone interested before I attempted to sell them on Craigslist. And then if all that fails I'll donate them to GoodWill. And well, my motto for GoodWill is, "Give A Little, Take A Lot".

Let me know if you are interested! Remember...free.

The three cube frames swivel so you can fit a total of 6 pictures.

Good morning sweet friends of mine! How are we doing? Fabulous I hope. As for me I am still getting used to having spare time and figuring out how to fill it. I have realized quite quickly that I am very good at staying busy to suppress any feelings, emotions or thoughts that may arise while I am as a stand still, which most would call relaxing. That word isn't in my vocabulary (relaxing), one day it will return but we just aren't there yet.

For example, Monday night I would normally be at meeting from early evening to late night. Well, I had a minor melt down and praise the Lord Lacey answered her phone to somewhat ground me again. I then attempted to hang up a bulletin board I made last week. Didn't happen. Each time I tried to hang it the board would fall onto my desk resulting in an even bigger mess. Minor melt down number two now occurred. Of course I blamed it on the board and came very close to hammering the entire wall down. Instead I kept myself busy the rest of the night by doing these things:

1. Bleached the kitchen sink
2. Organized the cleaning supplies under the sink (after I flooded it from bleaching the sink)
3. Noticed the kitchen rug was nasty so I took it outside along with the front porch mat and cleaned them.
4. Then realized my car is a total disaster so I cleaned it entirely on the inside.
5. (It's now dark outside mind you) I then cleaned the outside of the car, with soap and everything.
6. Cleaned up a $6.00 lamp I bought at GoodWill that day. Had to super glue it and buy a new light bulb as well as Clorox it.
7. Finished crafting a picture frame.
8. Unloaded the dishwasher/loaded it
9. Started a load of wash for the towels I used to clean up the nasty water from the sink.
10. Picked up the entire house and my room.

I was a mess and all over the place. And (as I discovered in group yesterday) I do none of these things for myself and myself alone. Literally, everything I do I have the mindset that someone else will be benefitting from it or will be pleased with it. I don't believe I deserve to do anything for myself alone. So I'm suppose to be working on that this week. It's gonna be a challenge but I good one...I think.

To the point of this post. I have several craft ideas to decorate our house with for Spring. Super pumped!

First on the list is a wreath for the front door:

Obviously, the one on the right would not be for a baby arrival but I would switch up the colors.

The one on the left ^

I love the one on the right! It looks pretty easy :)

I'll keep you updated as the process continues! Have a good day! Stay dry...45% chance of rain (with lightning bolts) around noon.

Love.Love.Love.

I have never had to trust God more than at this very moment in time. I took the leap and now I feel as if I'm drowning. I know I'm not but the unknown is suffocating. Each day I tell myself the sky will be a little brighter, my tear ducts a little dryer and my trust in God a little stronger.

I tell myself those things, over and over again. I chose to be obedient and trust God. I chose to do what I believe He was telling me to. Over the days I have felt my heart begin to soften, a little less anger and a little more peace. Joy in small amounts is better than no joy at all. I'll take a little joy over nothing. Well, God decides to throw darts along with joy I've realized. A dart sharp enough to tighten my heart right back up into anger, hurt and confusion. I'm praying for God to give me a heart of love for Him and a heart of trust, as well as the ability to block Satan's attacks (which have been coming full throttle due to me being in a vulnerable place) but the darts keep coming.

I trust God. I whole heartedly do. But I'm realizing through trust there may be some pain. I'm feeling that pain but if a period of pain is what it takes to have a life of freedom than I can live with it. I believe He is my true healer and I also believe I am broken. I trust He will heal me of the pain that fills the pit of my stomach. Who knows when that will be but along with healing He brings the perfect amount of strength. What a joy that is.

I am continuously amazed at how God has blessed me through vulnerability. What a faithful and trusting God we serve.

But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

2 Timothy 4:5

God is just SO good! Man, yesterday He just totally rocked my socks off. I noticed more so today after I woke up to a new morning, a new sunrise and new opportunities. But let me tell you He is so faithful. Yesterday, my eyes were opened to new pockets of my heart, mind and thoughts. Although what I discovered with the help of Alison (dietitian) wasn't the most joyous of discoveries about myself and un-welcomed thoughts I feel as if I can now breath a little easier and maybe feel a little bit of peace. I thank God that my doctors are willing and able to move at my pace, as slow as that may be they continuously put their foot on the brake if needed. Although I would much rather snap my fingers and be on the other side of what I've labeled as terrifying, I know that would only lead me to another sinful habit or struggle. I think in this situation, and in most, we should remember the story of the Tortes and the Hair. Slow and steady wins the race. I think I would rather be the Tortes with a victorious outcome than the Hair whose fast pace quickly turns to stumbling along. Being slow can be miserable, I'll admit it. I would rather my afternoons be filled with coffee dates and study dates rather doctor appointments. I would rather my soon to be bulletin board be pinned with fun pictures than meal plans and how to be mindful. But I have accepted that is what it is for now and will be for a while. I'm not moving at a fast pace, I'm not ready for that yet. I am moving and I have to constantly be reminded of that from friends, doctors and myself. I am moving slow but steady.

And let me just go ahead and take a moment to say how much I love Phi Lamb. Seriously, those girls keep me going whether they realize it or not. I love the vulnerability that is being poured out right and left, the genuine prayers for healing, tears of heart ache being shared for one another and the love that has been woven through each one of us by Jesus Christ. Last night I was reminded that I do have faith in God and it is how so sweet. Unlike last semester when I was so certain I had lost all faith, I now not only feel it in my heart but I can see it in faces of my sisters. They may not feel as if they have faith but last night I saw girls who are hurting and girls who are rejoicing put their faith in a Mighty Father. And I thank God for that faith in myself and the glimpses of faith flickering in brokenness and tears. Man, I'll say it again but God is good, so so good.

Matthew 14:31

This morning I woke up to beautiful rays of sunshine. What a wonderful change from the last week of drab grey skies and below freezing temperatures and wind. I was the first one up today which was nice, peaceful. I took down all of the blankets that had been hanging from our windows to block the air from entering the house and then opened our blinds for the first time in a while. Oh how nice it was to have natural lighting in the living room again and in my bedroom. Due to our house having such poor insulation we had little to no heat resulting in pulling all of the blankets out and keeping windows closed and covered.

Our little Texan "cold front" came out of no where! I mean seriously I don't know if I have ever been in that cold of weather for that long. Going from 77 to 23 degrees in a matter of a day totally threw me for a loop. Even though I have winter clothes and jackets they are not meant for last weeks temperatures. And the fact that our house was quite the igloo, I could not shake the chill off, FOR THE LIFE OF ME! I could sit at my desk with three blankets wrapped around me and tons of clothes on and still be shaking underneath it all. Unfortunately this lead to a lack of functioning. My focus was off, my mind was wondering all over the place and motivation to go out to class or anywhere for that matter was shot to hell. And then the domino effect continued rippling. My daily structure no longer was there. I couldn't get myself out of bed at 6:00am to get ready for class. If the bus was running late and I wasn't going to make it to a class at my regular time then I didn't go. My homework periods during the day were replaced with non homework tasks. So I then fell behind in my work which I had been working so hard the first few weeks of school to stay on top of so I wouldn't spiral downward. Basically, all screws fell out and I crumbled.

I started doubting myself, any progress that I've made, my leadership position in Phi Lamb and who I was as a person. My perfectionism appeared and continuously told me how off the path I was and how I wasn't getting everything thing done on time and to the best of my ability. I was a complete mess. I was questioning everything that I have worked for to get to this point, my beliefs and goals, desires and what I wanted to work for and why. In a nutshell, a rather large nutshell, the week was emotionally rough.

Yesterday I was able to unload myself to Kirsten, my counselor, what a blessing she is let me tell you! She has not once failed to pull me from the sky and pin me back on the ground firmly. As I spilled everything out like an over flowing volcano she told me about seasonal affective disorder, also known as SAD. It's pretty self explanatory but it is where drastic weather changes cause anxiety, depression, isolation etc. I also like to refer to this as cabin fever on steroids. A lot of people up north experience SAD due to such low temperatures for such a period of time. Kirsten even said that sometimes the heat can cause this as well. I don't want to make excuses for my funky week BUT I fell under this SAD category and was able to take a breath knowing that once again, I AM (somewhat) NORMAL!

**It's now Monday morning. I started this post a few days ago and am just now getting around to finishing it. Had a great Sunday. Spent some much needed time with my prayer group and friends watching the Super Bowl and Jesus last night. This is already a long post. I'll write again later this week...or weekend, it's gonna be a crazy week. But until then stay sweet and smile and remember you are loved.

Peace within makes beauty without.

English Proverb