Sweetly Broken

I have never had to trust God more than at this very moment in time. I took the leap and now I feel as if I'm drowning. I know I'm not but the unknown is suffocating. Each day I tell myself the sky will be a little brighter, my tear ducts a little dryer and my trust in God a little stronger.

I tell myself those things, over and over again. I chose to be obedient and trust God. I chose to do what I believe He was telling me to. Over the days I have felt my heart begin to soften, a little less anger and a little more peace. Joy in small amounts is better than no joy at all. I'll take a little joy over nothing. Well, God decides to throw darts along with joy I've realized. A dart sharp enough to tighten my heart right back up into anger, hurt and confusion. I'm praying for God to give me a heart of love for Him and a heart of trust, as well as the ability to block Satan's attacks (which have been coming full throttle due to me being in a vulnerable place) but the darts keep coming.

I trust God. I whole heartedly do. But I'm realizing through trust there may be some pain. I'm feeling that pain but if a period of pain is what it takes to have a life of freedom than I can live with it. I believe He is my true healer and I also believe I am broken. I trust He will heal me of the pain that fills the pit of my stomach. Who knows when that will be but along with healing He brings the perfect amount of strength. What a joy that is.