To The Mothers,

To the mothers whom are affected by eating disorders,

For the past year I have watched tears spill from your eyes. I have watched your hands shake as you try to hide your emotions spilling out onto your face. I have heard voices quiver while speaking of the guilt and shame that you have burried deep down in your heart. With every ounce of your being I see you so desperately trying to stare the eating disorder straight in the eyes so you can scare it away but instead you just see the eyes of your baby girl, your sweet and innocent baby girl who is in a pain that you cannot take away.

I want to tell you that it is okay. Did you hear that? It is okay. I am giving you permission to fall apart. As a daughter with an eating disorder I am allowing my mother and all mothers to let out that breath you have been holding in. The breath that contains anger, hurt, tears, screams and sobs of confusion and pain. You do not have to be perfect for us. You do not have to blame yourself for our addictions. You do not have to carry the world on your shoulders and you do not have to "fix us". All we ask of you is to just be. That's all, just be. Be our moms, love us and let us love you. Know that you are not to blame for our mistakes, our decisions and the paths that our lives have taken. You are not to blame for our sufferings and you are not to blame for the evils in this world.

Long before we were even a thought in your mind God had a hand on the future of your baby's life. He knew from the beginning of time that our path was going to cross roads with the sins and darkness of this earthly world and He knew that His children and His children's children were going to be tested and tried in ways unimaginable. Yet, at the same time He did not create mothers to have  His healing powers. He created them to love their children as He loves His children, which includes how He loves you. We as your daughters with eating disorders ask for nothing more than love and support from our mothers. We ask you to let God do the fixing, curing and saving and we ask that you just love on us. We ask that you put your finger down by your side and away from your face and we ask that you hear us when we say that there is no one or no place for blame to rest on.

The gift that I give to every mother out there with a baby girl facing a life of recovery, denial or pain from an eating disorder, is to accept the grace that God is so freely handing you. The grace and love that says, this isn't your fault. The grace that says, you have not messed up as a mother and you have not messed up your child. The grace that is asking you to trust the plans of a Man who created them in the first place and to just love your child as He loves you.

We love you. I love you and I wouldn't have made it this far without you. Remember that, always.

Sincerely,
Your baby girl