There was recently a news report of a mother who was home alone with her baby boy one evening. Her son was asleep when she heard someone trying to break into her house. She picked up a gun and the phone to call 911. When on the phone with the dispatch she asked if it were okay to shoot the intruders if they were to come into the house. She also made it known to the individuals on the otherside of the door that she had a gun and wasn't afraid to use it on them. She ended up shooting and killing the one intruder in order to protect her three month old son. Charges are not being pressed.
I think one of the main morals to this article is that you need to stay clear of a mom and her baby, no matter what. From what I have heard when a mother is protecting her child there is no telling what she is capable of doing, nothing in the entire world matters except keeping her babies safe. She must protect them, that is her job and no one is going to stop her.
I tell you this because I have recently found myself boiling with anger over things that would have never caused me to get angry in previous months or years. There have been a few times at Renfrew where I was getting so angry when girls were talking about what they were struggling with or how they weren't sure if they fully wanted recovery or they didn't exactly think they had that big of a problem. It took everything in me to refrain from exploding in a rage of hate and anger towards these ladies. I didn't understand and I honestly hated myself for it and still do. I would sit in group rapidly write in my journal asking for God to take away the anger and reveal to me what was causing it and why.
I have always been a compassionate person, ESPECIALLY towards thoughs struggling through the same things as myself. I have been in the exact same spot as those who are doubting recovery or doubting any ounce of hope. I have been there. So why on earth was I being such a hypocrite and fuming inside when these girls were just being honest.
Well, God answered my questions one evening on my way home from IOP. I have recently given birth to recovery, to a baby if you will. My baby is little, has a weak immune system and so very vulnerable. I am a new mom that is willing to do anything to protect her baby or in my case recovery. For the first time, literally the first time, I have seen a glimpse of recovery, I have held it in my arms and gently rocked it, careful not to disrupt it. When I feel that someone or something is threatening that I go into mom mode and want to run to a safe zone that is far from any danger. I don't want to lose recovery and I don't want to jeapordize it by exposing it to triggering situations. I need to keep my baby safe, however that needs to happen.
Now, obviously I am not gonna go and shoot anyone but I've found myself constantly on guard. My eating disorder has been my baby for so long and it doesn't like all the attention that recovery is getting so it's loud, really loud and acting out which just doesn't help at all. It's hard to protect your children in a world that is full of sin at every corner you turn. The same goes for recovery, it's hard to protect any amount you have when everywhere you turn there are weight loss ads, facebook statuses on weight, pinterest pictures, diet commercials and TV shows glamorizing thinness. You can't help but get angry, you just can't help it.
The world makes it close to impossible to protect anything good and sacred in your eyes. Satan will find a way to make your life of protecting any amount of good miserable but I serve a powerful God. With Him nothing is impossible and if that means sheltering my recovery under His arms than so be it. I can only pray that God will protect the work I have done to this point and continue to guide me to the light and away from the darkness that has engulfed me for so many years.
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