Days 1 and 2

Greetings from Denver, Colorado! Day 2 has drawn to a close and I'm alive but I PROMISE you it is only by the grace of God I am. This treatment thing is NOT a walk in the park let me tell you. I mean if this were a job I would be working WAY WAY over time. Our days go from 6:45am-6:30pm 7 days a week. How am I suppose to live like this for the next few months?! But for real thank you for your prayers and support because I'm here, I'm alive and I'm eating so snap your fingers or clap your hands because y'all are awesome.

I've been trying to think how I want to go about blogging while I'm here. Because if I were to inform you on everything we would be here for hours on end. And of course I do want to keep you informed on as much as possible but I also don't want to bore you. So I'll try a few different things and see how it goes. I also want to make clear and will remind everyone of this along the way that due to confidentiality purposes if I refer to any other girls/patients in a post I will have switched the name to a fake one. And again I will continue reminding everyone of this as it happens!

Day 1: Assessments

• Woke up in Plano, Texas at 3:30am. Left DFW airport at 6:30am and checked into the ERC PHP (partial hospitalization program) at 9:30am.
• The morning was basically spent signing paperwork, getting blood drawn, getting vitals, physicals, assessments and acclimated with the facility and apartments.
• Saying goodbye to my mom was a lot harder than I had planned. I was the one doing the consoling at first and then after spendinga few hours in the center and having a meal or two I was begging her to take me with her back to Plano. Obviously, this didn't happen.
• They don't wean you into the program by any means. I was thrown into meals right off the bat. You are given a 24 hour grace period with your meals from the time you arrive. Which means you have 24 hours to not complete 100% of your meal plan. Once the 24 hour grace period is up then you have 35 minutes for meals to finish your entire meal or you have to boost for the remainder of your meal that is left. They say they do this not as punishment or a scare tactic but just so we can continue getting the calories and nutrients we need but sometimes it is just easier to drink your meal than eat it. Which is true.
• I have great roommates and apartment mates! My roommate actually leaves this Friday so I will probably be getting a new one within the next week or so. And my apartment mate leaves August 30th. And I leave…..in 25 years. Haha just kidding I obviously don't have a discharge date yet ;)

Day 2: Uncomfortableness

• Each morning is started with stripping yourself entirely of all clothes, ALL clothes, and getting weighed as well as peeing in a cup. Monday Wednesday Friday you also get your vitals taken.
• Tuesday was a lot better than Monday that is for sure. I started getting to know the girls in my "Track". I am in Track 1, which basically is the group of girls I eat with and go to group with. There are two Tracks.
• Lunch was my first "graceless" meal and I survived with eating it all. Meal time is defiantly a huge stressor for me but it is comforting knowing that every other girl that is eating at the table is feeling the exact same things as I am.
• The rules at the table during meal and snack times are pretty strict. We have to keep our napkins on the table. We can't wear sweatshirts or jackets with hoods and pockets on them in the dining hall. We can't mix certain foods together that wouldn't normally be mixed. We'll be stopped if we're cutting our food into too small of pieces or picking it apart with our hands. Which of course areall good things in the long run but boy it sure makes me want to kick someone when they tell you to stop doing a behavior.
• I met with Dr. King, the psychiatrist for ERC PHP on Tuesday night. It was totally encouraging to hear what he had to say to me. Basically in a nut shell he told me how their goal for me here is not to make me comfortable during and after meal times and in therapy sessions. Meals are going to make me feel uncomfortable and that is what you have to learn to sit with in order to get better. If they allowed me to leave meal time feeling comfortable than behaviors will continue without being addressed and interrupted. He also told me how instead of focusing on what doesn't work for me and what I don't like to focus on what IS working for me. For example: I don't like peas. This leaves me and the staff at a dead end of the road with no where to turn. If I were to say that I like yogurt than we have made a step forward with something I will eat and will feel positively about afterwards. We then have somewhere to go in the right direction. Dr. King told me that we no longer use the word can't because that leads to a dead end but we use the word can. What can I do and why is it working for me. I need to pay attention to what works and what doesn't work. It is going to take time and I'm gong to struggle and feel uncomfortable but I it's all for a better life and I'm praying it will be worth it.

Prayer Requests

• God has totally been carrying me through all of this. By the grace of God I am still waking up in the morning on time and getting to ERC with a pretty clear mind. He is providing the energy I need to make it through 12 hour days and He is allowing me to rest peacefully at night. He is providing so much love and support through others and I just have to remember to be constantly in prayer throughout the day as well as being thankful for all He is doing for me.
• I ask that you continue to pray for me as Itrudge through the days. Pray that God continues to hold my hands through the uncomfortableness and anxiety. Pray that He will continue revealing Himself through this process and reassuring me that this is where I am suppose to be.
• If you could pray for all of the girls that are in ERC with me. Each one of us are struggling in our own ways, both different and similar. Pray that they continue fighting and pushing through the pain and struggles. Pray for the girls that have husbands and kids that they left behind to get their lives back. Pray for those who don't know Jesus and who aren't religious. Pray that they find Jesus however He wants that to be.
• Finally, pray for the staff here at ERC. Pray that they are given the wisdom, patience and love to care for us properly and to their bestabilities.
• In return I am praying for each one of you, for God to bless you in return for your prayers and support for me.

Meet Dr. King, the ERC adult partial hospitalization medical director and psychiatrist.