Future Tripping

Sweet sweet friends of mine. It is currently 4:22pm here in Denver on Friday afternoon. I write this post with the comfort of prayers and support surrounding me on all sides. I cannot even begin to express the gratitude I have for each and every one of you. God has blessed me beyond words with the most loving and accepting friends and family that I could ever ask for. I am speechless and wish I could say more than just thank you, it doesn't seem even close to enough. Please know that in return I am in constant prayer for each one of you, for God to return the blessings He's pouring on me through you back onto each one of your lives. I pray that you see the glory of God in your day to day life and see the benefits of carrying the burden of a sister in Christ. Community, I am slowly learning, travels with you no matter how far you may be and for that I am thankful.

The end of my fifth week is getting closer and closer. I am in absolute shock how quickly time is going. It's as if I no longer have a sense of time, almost like God has removed that ticking clock from my brain. Without the constant brain clock and alarm going off I have found that time is not an issue while I am here. Every so often the voices will creep back in and remind me that I need to hurry up and finish so I can get back to Austin, get back to work, get back to church, get back to making money and get back to school asap. But then there is this overwhelming sense of peace and a gentle whisper telling me to slow down and be still. This whisper then reminds me that I have time to take for myself and I need to take advantage of it. I need to be in the now, the present and remind myself that all of those "things" that I "need to get back to" are part of the reason I am here in Denver today. I don't need to get back to anything, I need to trust that God is going to keep me where I need to be for however long I need to be there and then when it's time to "go back" I can go back to something different and new. There are no rules that say I have to go back to what life looked like before, I will have a new start, a clear mind and a God that will place me exactly where I am suppose to be.

A girl in my process group calls it Future Tripping, when you start over analyzing the future and causing anxiety when really all you need to do is focus on the now because really, that's all we have, the now. This particular girl who coined the term Future Tripping is being discharged after about sixteen long weeks of treatment and is planning a trip to Europe for just herself. She is learning to live, to truly live and man it just brings tears to my eyes. Before treatment she was flooding herself with this and that and in the midst of it all forgot that there was a little girl in there that was suffocating and needed air for herself and no one else. She's breathing now and what a beautiful sight it is. She is ready to make up for the lost time that was taken by her eating disorder but the beautiful thing is she took her time in treatment and now she has all the time and much more to experience life, truly experience it.

There have been quite a few good things that have happened over the last week or two. I will share those with you to encourage you that God is good and faithful. Enjoy your weekend lovelies and try not to future trip because God want's us in the now, not the past and not the future but the now.

1.) I, on my own, ordered a fully loaded coffee drink at Starbucks. Fully loaded meaning: A hazelnut soy latte, NO non fat milk and NO sugar free syrup and I survived.

2.) I, on my own, purchased a NON diet coke aka a cherry coke. Once again I lived through this.

3.) The other morning I put on a pair of sweatpants that I had just purchased at Victoria's Secret (on sale half off I'll add) that felt just a smudge too tight. Now, in reality they fit me perfectly and were probably not anywhere close to being too tight BUT when you struggle with body image you tend to change clothes in the morning…a lot. But this morning I chose to keep the pants on even if I felt a little bit larger in them. And guess what? I survived, yes and even got several compliments with them.

4.) I moved up to level three yesterday! This means I no longer have to sit at the meal tables with a staff member. I can join the cooking groups and go on the outings to challenge restaurants and meals. I will also get to practice portioning everyday at lunch.

5.) Next week is family days and one of the break out groups for the family members is a panel of current erc patients to be questioned by the family members. Staff and treatment teams are the ones who choose to be part of the panel and I found out Thursday at my staffing meeting that they want me to do it!! Super pumped about it :)

God's been good that's for sure. While this past week has been super encouraging I know that there will still be days of challenge but for now I will continue to live in the moment and the now and tuck away these successful days in the back of my mind to whip out when needed. Alright friends, be good and stay sweet.

love.love.love