Change of Style

August will forever and always remind me of first days of school back when I was in elementary. Mom and Dad always made them super special. I can remember the smell of my elementary school, all of my teachers, finding my new desk and name tag and using all of my new school supplies and brand new CRAYONS!! Those are seriously some of the best days of my life.

Hopefully, one day I will be enjoying those elementary first days of school again but only this time as the teacher greeting the precious little ones :) So to celebrate the month of first days of school wherever you may be and whatever grade you are going into we shall have a school themed background. Call it the teacher in me or the love for seasons or the fact that I'm going crazy with painting and need a break. But none the less it is a good change.

Happy August (tomorrow)!!

Scratch GoodWill

Good afternoon friends! I feel like I should be saying good morning due to the fact that I just poured my "morning" cup of coffee and finished showering. I'm not someone who sleeps in, the clock in my brain normally goes off anywhere between 7 and 8am. But after somewhat of a draining night I managed to sleep in until a whopping 11:30am! BOOM.

So, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I've been wanting to make this post for a while but you know sometimes there are more exciting things to chat about :) I think the phrase "Spring Cleaning" should be banned because personally, I believe we should be doing "Spring Cleaning" all year round, that way come spring you aren't totally overwhelmed with everything you hoarded for the past year! But that's not the point of this blog. I am going to highly encourage each and everyone of you to go through your closets and drawers and under the beds and start a donation pile. My motto, if you forgot you had it until you pulled it out of the closet then you won't miss it. My other motto is, if I am trying to make an excuse to keep this item of clothing or "thing" then obviously I don't need it.

Now, after moving into my current house (which will only be my current house for another week) I found THE best strip of stores on Lamar, GoodWill and Half Price Books. Such easy stores to conveniently drop off your used items, maybe make a little cash at Half Price and then wipe your hands free of dust and move on with your life. Don't get me wrong I think it's great to donate your things, obviously. BUT after hearing a comment made by a lady how she doesn't go to GoodWill anymore due to it turning all corporate and such I started thinking. I shop at GoodWill for those furniture or lamp steals. Aren't those donated things suppose to go to people who can't really afford other clothing stores? And then my donated items have now been turned into a payment to GoodWill. Are you catching my drift?

So to wrap this "short and sweet" post up I am going to inform my other Austin squatters of a few places that you can truly DONATE your things to that won't be resold.

-Text Books: Go to google and type in something along the lines of "Austin text book donations". There are about four different organizations that you can choose from that will take your textbooks for either resale with the profit going over seas to build schools, prison libraries (This is where I sent mine. There is a box in front of Monkey Wrench Book Store you can drop them off at), or you can send them to public libraries and they will send them to a proper recycling place and the recycled paper will go towards something good. Do some research, it may take a little longer but your books will be helping people all over get an education with a perfectly good book that the book stores don't want to buy back.

-Donations of clothes, household items etc: You can donate your things to the battered woman's shelter. Type it into google with your city location and they will tell you where the drop box is and their need and want items. Or you can type in an orphanage, homeless shelter etc. Even the animal shelters need old towels and blankets etc.

Like I said, this may take a little more work but you know exactly where your old memories and things are going and will be put to good use. So get on google and search your little hearts out and lets save the world :)

Can I first just say that my last post (which was posted yesterday evening and you should still read) has already received 6 "love" checks. Wahooo!! Y'all rock my socks off :) That's the most AND the fastest I have ever received any kind of response to a post so thank you very much. It is very encouraging to see positive feedback or honestly, any type of feedback.

So I just wanted to post this pretty incredible video for you to enjoy. Jenni Schaefer, the fabulous author that I've talked about frequently, had this link posted when I woke up this morning. It's four minutes and I personally believe it's worth your time. The video explains itself perfectly so no need for anymore of my yacking. I will say though that it's people like this man who filmed the video who will make a difference in the eating disorder stigmas and stereotypes. Enjoy sweet friends.

http://www.indiegogo.com/EDdoc

(if the video is cut of while watching here then go to the website)

A Parent's Love

The words I am about to write have been forming in my mind for quite some time now. A combination of fear and pride are just two of the many things that have kept me from putting my thoughts into some form of writing. But here I am, pen to paper (fingers to key board technically) and I pray that God guides my emotions, thoughts and purpose for this post. I pray that whoever choses to read this will be able to relate in one form or another and through that they are greeted with the presence of God has peace fills their hearts. For in the end we all have the same caretaker and His love will out last and out weigh any other form of love we can ever imagine.

One of the most used phrases in my household said by my parents has and always will be, "No matter what we will ALWAYS be here for you and your sister. You can call us at any hour of the day or night, we will pick you up from wherever you are, sober or drunk and remember there will always be a room for you at home, whenever you need it." And when my parents say this they mean it, they genuinely mean it from the bottom of their hearts. The love they have for my sister and I is so deep that I don't think Morgan and I can even understand it. They tell us more often than not that you will never understand a parent's love until you are holding your precious miracle in your arms for the first time. So no, I don't have any idea what that love looks like but what I do know is that it is there and will be there forever.

Through my years of struggle I have run in every which direction looking for guidance, help and even love all while running away from my parents. The ones who have consistently told me how much they care for my well being and happiness, they were the two that I had the hardest time confronting. And for the longest time I never understood this and to be honest I still don't know what it is that drives me away from the two that can provide me the most earthly love. Counselor after counselor after doctor has asked me why I am so afraid to talk to my parents.

"What are you afraid of, Caitlan?"

What am I afraid of? Disappointing them? Adding stress to their lives? Being the screw up child? Them not being proud of me anymore? What am I afraid of? What are we afraid of? I know that I am not the only child that is afraid to bring up struggles to their loving and caring parents. And more than likely when our parents where our ages they weren't going to their parents either. We isolate ourselves from those who care the most for us, why? Unfortunately, I don't have the answers to these questions and it sucks but I do know this...

I love my parents from the bottom of my heart. I know that they want to so desperately help me and want the best for my life. I know these things and gosh I pray all the time that they know this for themselves. They have not failed at raising me, they have not messed up and they are not to blame for my confronting-of-struggles-stage-fright. Honestly, I believe that every kid, no matter the age, has the same problem. No one wants to disappoint their parents. No one wants to be the cause of their parents tears and hurt but sometimes you have to trudge through those uncomfortable phone calls, face to face conversations and emails because deep down you know that all you want is your parent's love.

So parents, my parents, your parents if you're a parent, whoever! Love your kids. That burn you feel in the bottom of your heart to protect them and guide them to their happiness is there for a reason. Love them and be patient. They will come to you at a time when you least expect it because they have exhausted all of their other options and just as you have said from day one, "no matter the time of day or night you can come home to us, we're here for you".

I chose to reach out to my parents this past weekend. After much encouragement, back and forth and prayer I chose to go back to the parents who have always told me how much they love me. And that bedroom that is waiting for me at home is sounding oh so wonderful right about now.

After writing all this out I just realized how relatable this is to God. His children running away from the one person who will always be there and once we have tried to fill our hearts with every possible earthly material we will find that the one person waiting for us with arms wide open and a safe place to rest is our Father God in Heaven. What a sweet picture friends, such a sweet picture.

Stand Up, Fall Off, Sit Down

I went stand up paddle surfing with this crazy woman yesterday. Hence the title of this post. We stood up, fell off and then remained on our knees the remainder of the ride. Overall it was quite the experience. We made it a Towanda adventure and both proudly shouted Towanda with our oars high above our heads to express our craziness.

Would I recommend SUP (stand up paddle surfing)?

Yes. Do it. You will feel like an Austin-ite. Big time.

Also, I would like to acknowledge to the blogging community that after a year and a half to two years of not wearing a bikini (due to body image insecurities), I Caitlan Salerno, wore a bikini while paddle surfing. I even ate before having to remove my cover up and I still survived my hour and a half of stomach revealing.

All in all I would say it was a successful day. Thank you Jesus.

Decorator's White

Good afternoon precious friends. I must say it feels a lot later in the afternoon than 12:00pm. I slept on the floor last night due to my bed being piled with boxes. Allicia and I started painting my room yesterday. We got about oh half of a wall done. But I figure if I can just do a little here and there it will get done with no stress and in perfect timing. Of course I found out at Home Depot yesterday that you can't just go and ask for white paint because they will then ask you which color white. After looking at about a dozen "different" whites I chose Decorator's White, which I soon found out is nothing close to the same color white on the wall I didn't paint pink. Fabulous.

Which color white? I mean come on people, lets make something in this world just a little easy, okay?!

I was greeted by a meltdown last night. I wasn't caught off guard of course because nights are normally my low points of the day. My counselor continues to tell me that nights are rough for a lot of people, not just myself. So for whomever out there experiences rocky nights more often than not you are not alone. That's what I'm going to be intentionally working on, positive nights, self love and strength when the sun goes down. Seeing hope not only during the day when the sun is shining but also at night, when darkness is literally surrounding me in every direction.

Back to my meltdown...between a combination of watching a documentary on The Casey Anthony case, hearing one of my close friends confront me about her recent struggle discovery and probably even feeling a little sorry for myself I found anger building up in my heart and boiling over. Anger towards myself, sin, death, Satan and even God. I'm so grateful that this anger did not put me back on strike but left me questioning why things happen and where is God when someone is desperately seeking for Him. How come we as humans have such a weakness to fall into temptations and sins? Oh my heart just breaks over and over again into tiny pieces for those (including myself) who are continuously fighting an inward battle of some sort, for those who are searching for acceptance and love in unhealthy ways and for those who don't know how to ask for help and feel a sting of lonely in the pit of their stomach that cannot be described in words. My heart was so angry last night at God, so angry. I didn't know what to do with myself. I paced in my room as I felt hot tears spill over my eye lids and onto my cheeks.

Doubting God and questioning Him is not something I enjoy but I believe it is something that will happen throughout my life no matter where my relationship stands with Him. I think that doubt and anger leads to discovery of a faithful man who keeps his promises. Through tears, screaming, heavy breathing and even breath holding God looks at me (us) and smiles, pleased that we are feeling emotions and expressing them. God understands anger I believe. I also believe that He uses anger in our hearts to reveal himself through the events, people and environments that soften our hearts and gently guides us back to the Bible, where truth is stated so clearly. Have you ever thought what is was that softened your heart after it was filled with hatred and anger? For me it's the sunshine and light that streams through my closed blinds. God has kept me through every night that I fall apart and has woken me up every morning to a new day and a lighter heart. Nothing or no one could possibly ease the anger and tension in my heart while I sleep other than God and for that I am grateful because He has restored me with hope and a new day, a new start.

Pictures, yeah?

Okay people. My fear has come true. I was on my knees pleading to absolutely nobody. Just fabulous. Thanks guys.

Nahh I'm really not angry. I did get some advice from the fabulous Allicia. We spent the other night looking up vegan blogs, you know the ones where the mom starts a blog just to tell others how to feed their kids healthy and BOOM they have a business and a book on the way. But she (Allicia) told me these pointers on what blog readers enjoy seeing:

1.) Pictures

2.) Daily updates

3.) More pictures

Well, I am going to do my best at putting more pictures up and updating more! I'm always open for more suggestions :)

So onto what has been going on the last few weeks!

I'm moving!! Avenue B has been swell but it's time to move on. I'll be couch surfing for the next few weeks until I am able to move into my new house.

My room looks so sad. Unfortunately I will have to paint the walls back to white. That will be a chore.

Meet Sophia a six week old german shepherd mix. Precious yeah? I was able to enjoy her and her sister's presence for about 18 hours and what a joy they were!

This is Sophia's sister, Abigail. Are your hearts melting yet?

Morgan and I on the way to Port Aransas. I came back a bronze goddess.

One of my precious babies I get to babysit this summer. Locke, five months old oh and he has a twin sister, Madden :)

Taryn and her VEGAN cupcakes! Of course we lit each cupcake.

Opening her (poorly wrapped) present.

And my little baby Clyde. In the last few days I had him he discovered the drawer under my bed. He would go under the bed and then a few minutes later I could here his head beating up against the top of the bed frame. I would pull the drawer out and he would just sit there and stare at me. I miss that boy.

What's It Gonna Take??

Here's the deal and I'm just going to be honest so don't be alarmed. I want to be a famous blogger. You know those blogs that have like hundreds of followers or maybe even a thousand plus? And these people aren't even movie stars or athletes! But for some reason or another everyone just loves them so much. I want to be famous, I mean don't get me wrong my 17 followers you're very much appreciated but what is a girl to do to get some attention other than from Facebook?! Half of my referring sites (actually probably almost all of the referring sites) are from Facebook and probably wouldn't be read if I didn't post a link to my wall.

I think I'm an interesting person. I've been called a diva more often than not. I have some crazy things I want to do in my life before I die. I'm not perfect (no matter how hard I try) and am willing to admit my struggles. I attempt crafting, love writing and have Jesus in my life.

What is it going to take to catch the eyes of people whom I don't know OR get another ten followers, public followers that is. I will cater to YOU if you let me know what you enjoy reading. And maybe I should just accept the fact that I may not ever be as exciting as the moms with four kids and 3000 blog followers (how does that even happen??). And if that is the case, well I'll just have to go and do something crazy to get myself out there on the red carpet of blogging.

So lay it on me. And if you don't I'm going to look like even more of a freak because I'll be begging to no one who cares. Humor me people, please.

The Ocean is my Only Medication

The Hartman's, Salerno's and Letbetter's have arrived back in good ole' Port Aransas, our little home away from home, small Texas paradise and escape from everyday reality. With nine people crammed in a three bedroom condo full of food, cards, sunscreen and trails of sandy footprints we begin our annual adventures full of laughter and smiles. I have my magazines ready to be flipped through and read. Between Oprah, Life:Beautiful, Country Living and House Beautiful as well as several books I will be set to sit in a chair on the sand with the sun beating down on my blinding pasty skin.

Of course, I also plan to take advantage of some different scenery, nature and God's creations throughout the week. I've decided to pull myself away from the noise and people each day to sit in God's presence and bask in His glory. So friends be good, stay sweet and apply sunscreen (you can never be too careful)!

love.love.love

2010 Beach Trip