Baby Steps, Baby Victories

Good evening friends. As the day is drawing to a close I have become more aware of what little victories look like. God has so graciously allowed me to open my eyes a tad bit wider in order to see Him doing a work in my heart and everyday life. I'm almost hesitant to write this entry because I am so sure that good days won't last for me or if I write about any progress I will start spiraling downward once again. But I have also learned that I have a right to be happy and right now in this moment I am capable of recognizing God's love and I have a clear mind to share His greatness to whomever wants to read about it. It would be selfish of me to hide that, in fear of hitting a brick wall. Tonight, I am willing to use my struggles for God's glory. There is power in the name of Jesus.

Baby Steps and Baby Victories

• I made it through this school semester by God's grace, nothing else or no one else could have gotten me through in one piece. I didn't realize He was walking with me until I had completed the semester. I now know that He is there and He is carrying me through the storm. 
• I have hope. When I thought I had lost all hope in happiness or in my relationship with God He revealed Himself to me in a way I wasn't expecting. Through a non-christian group therapy. I am lost for words and unable to express my opinions as to why we struggle, what the future has in store for us and when we will be free from this pain without putting Jesus's name in the answer. I find myself speechless if I am unable to express my faith in God when answering questions. I found out today that I am able to talk about religion and my beliefs in group. What an opportunity that is! 
• Twice now I have had the will power to go on a walk and clear my mind versus laying in bed and slowly fading back into the dark. God has pushed me out of bed to allow me to move on with my life one walk at a time and He has opened up my mind to listen to His truth in these situations. 
• Reading scripture truly does make a difference. 
• God has blessed me with the most amazing friends who will drop what they are doing to pray for me, talk me out of a panic attack on the phone, come to my house, take me to their house and love me for who I am at this moment in time. 
• Sometimes the peace we are yearning for so badly doesn't come until we become obedient to God and His will. Romans 8:5-6 showed me this last night. No matter how tough the decision may be or how badly you don't want to do what you know is right in God's eyes you will find peace if you live according to the spirit and not the flesh. Peace is there waiting for you but don't forget to do a self check and see if you are listening to yourself or to God's voice. There is a difference. 

These may seem like obvious points to some people but throughout this entire semester up until even last night I doubted each one of them and struggled with them daily. It's funny how you don't think you are making progress and then in a span of 24 hours you are splashed with cold water and you see that all your hard work, sweat, tears, sleepless nights and prayers weren't for nothing. Every time I chose to text or call a friend, chose to open my Bible, go on a walk, call the doctor or get out of bed were baby steps. I have accomplished baby victories that I am so grateful for. Am I free from my struggles and sin? No, not yet but that's okay because right now I am going to chose to praise Jesus and thank Him for restoring me with a little more hope. This will be a post I look back on when I am at a low, to see that it is possible to have good moments, that I do believe God is on my side and that I do have hope in a life free from captivity. 

Listen: Every Victory is Yours.