Recovery

It is 11:45pm on Sunday night. In 15 minutes it will be tomorrow, which I guess technically will be today or Monday in clearer terms. I have no desire to go to bed tonight. This feelings is not normal for me...especially lately because I enjoy sleeping...ALOT. But for some odd reason I don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to close my eyes and I don't want to stare at the back of my eyelids. I don't want my brain to turn on turbo speed because sleep is meant for relaxation and a calm mind. Not mine. Sleep at night is no longer relaxation for me. My mind doesn't shut down at night, instead she is putting on her lips and saying "let's get this party started!" Not so much a party for me. More like a long restless night of tossing and turning and looking at the clock. If anyone can find the fun in that then by all means let me know please!

11:50pm. It's almost Monday.

I have been thinking over the past few days about the word recovery. When does recovery start? Is it when you first come out of denial? Or is it when you get help from your first professional expert (doctor, counselor etc.)? Do you just wake up one morning and say, "hey, today is the day for me to start working on recovery"? I mean what about those people who announce proudly that they have been in recovery for three years, when did those years begin? Where is the start to recovery? Where is the freaking start of the rainbow that leads to the pot of gold at the end?

6 minutes until Monday.

Recovery is a scary thing. For starters you are deciding to turn away from something that has been in your life for X amount of years. You are making the choice to face the unknown, face situations with a new outlook and find new coping mechanisms that are unfamiliar to you. Recovery isn't a walk in the park...actually no where close to a walk in the park, try a sprint up the tallest most rockiest mountain in the entire world times 3! You aren't able to grasp the entire goodness of recovery until the day you can change the 'y' in recovery to 'ed' making it recovered. What a glorious day that will be. But until then we focus on the 'y'. Recovery.

12:00am on Monday morning. Today may be someones day to start their journey down the recovery path or up the recovery mountain. This Monday could mark someones second year in recovery and they are going strong. Is today the day you are ready to make changes and get rid of some nasty things in your life? Is today the day you decide to fill your holes with Jesus and truth vs earthly desires? If so then don't turn back, keep sprinting up that mountain until you reach the top and then take a deep breath and look at the view from the top. Was it worth the trek up? I bet you it was.

Starting up the mountain is the hardest part. Defining when you start your journey may be different then when I define mine but that doesn't mean any first step is less important than the other. All first days are beautiful and the start to a new chapter of your life. Be sure to hold on tight and be proud to say you are on the rocky path up the mountain because at one point that is exactly what you were dying to hear from someone else, someone who was willing to fight for their chance to live.

I have yet to define my start to recovery. Maybe I haven't started yet, maybe I have and I just don't realize it. Mostly I think I'm afraid to pick a day because the mountain I'm staring at is awfully steep and I am still planted to the ground which means the road ahead will be rocky. I don't think my journey up the steep mountain starts today. Today I will choose to tackle a more minor hill while riding a bicycle and who knows maybe tomorrow will be the day I chose to ditch the bike and hit the ever intimidating mountain. But not today.