Going Public?

Good evening faithful ones! For many I can say congratulations you have made it to summer! You have once again over come trials, joys good days and bad days to be able to look back and say, 'wow. I'm darn proud of myself for surviving!' And for others you have a few still have a few finals lingering over your head and to you I want to say hang in there! If you could fight these past months of school you can do it for a few more days.

As for me I have one optional exam left tomorrow night, Childrens Literature. Studying hasn't happened a whole lot today (except for 7:00am this morning for science) but that is okay. After taking a four hour nap, much needed considering sleep for me doesn't come easy anymore, I ate something, freaked out and then did something good to channel my anxiety. TURNED TO JESUS! Well Caitlan it is about time! Geez if only I started doing that weeks ago I could have saved alot of pain and shame but whatever the past is the past.

Here are a few points I want to make about my Jesus time:

• Over the past 4 days I have realized how many kings in the Old Testament have fallen captive due to pride and lack of faith.
• These were generations of kings, grandfathers, fathers and sons that did not realize their present actions could affect their future family.
• Many of these captive kings were at one point faithful to God but failed to realize that faithfullness to God doesn't mean the devil can't find a way to attack.
• When God saves us from being captive it is not because of our good deeds or the wrongs we have made right. It is because our Soverign King loves us the same at our lowest and at our highest and He is willing to pour mercy over us when WE are willing to drop to our knees and cry out for help.
• We are afraid of being humble because it will most likely cause humility and discomfort.

I would like to focus on that last bullet point for a minute. What does humble mean? In the past I have viewed it as not bragging about my possesions, grades, vacations etc. But after God has been teaching me vulnerability these past few weeks I now have a different view of humbleness. In my eyes this is how I see it:

Being humble means willing to stare your struggles in the face. I mean truly stare at them and be able to say out loud what they are. Becoming aware of what our temptations are is being humble. After staring and acknowlodging your struggles don't push them to the back of your mind, grab a hold of them. By grasping onto your insecurities with your bare hands is being humble. Once you have these powerful thoughts/actions and feelings in your hands and you are still staring at them what do you do next? Run in fear? Throw them out like they were never there to begin with? That would be a negative! You take your humbleness one step further by laying your struggles at the feet of the Lord. You hand them over from your hands into God's hands. You, a beautiful child of God who is living in such a scary and prideful world can now turn your eyes from your sin and stare in the eyes of the one man who can cleanse your hands. That my friend is being humble, by coming to the Perfect One and admitting you have sinned, you have fallen short of what scripture says and that above all you are sorry and want to be forgiven.

This is not an easy quick process for most, especially for me. Baby steps is all it takes sometimes. One step forward each day will lead you to His presence. Tonight when you go to bed ask God to give you humbleness tomorrow. Whether you chose to present your sins to God or you reach out to someone else and share what it is you struggle with, that is being humble. Humbleness may cause humility, heck I don't want people to know my deepest insecurities but who wants to honestly share those with the world? But think of it this way:

If being humiliated for a small portion of your life and if feeling some discomfort for the time being will allow you to shine light into someone else's life, is it worth it? By confessing that you are not perfect and do not have it all together all the time could lift a weight off your shoulders, wouldn't that feel great? By going to the cross and by showing our humanly imperfections we have an opportunity to become stronger than we could possibly imagine, we have a chance to grow so close to God that the bondage that is holding you down can be broken forever. That is what I want, to be free of my sin, loved by my God, shown humility and have my pride taken away. Sounds kinda scary huh? Just think...if we are all willing to ask for humbleness in our lives we will all be floating in the same boat, with God who will be keeping us afloat...forever, we will cease to be alone any longer.

Think about it, what does being humble mean to you?